


Prove Yourself

by JaneofJakku



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angry Sex, Blow Jobs, Dubious Consent, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gratuitous Smut, Loss of Virginity, Makeup Sex, Romantic Fluff, Shameless Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-01-27 07:14:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21388204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneofJakku/pseuds/JaneofJakku
Summary: A three part, smutty one-shot based on a scene from the most recent trailer.  Painful deception, groveling on knees, misunderstandings, and the effort of earning back broken trust.OR...Chapter 1: Wham-Bam-Thank You, Ma'amChapter 2:  Shit, shit, shit, shitChapter 3: Bow Chicka Wow Wow
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 11
Kudos: 124





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I simply couldn't wait for Rise to come out to start working on new smutty fun for these two :-p

Rey slinks around the corner, her sweaty palm feeling for the entry pad in the dark. Her trembling fingers find it first and with a deep breath, she presses the button to send the door swooshing open. She waits for a moment, listening for any sounds coming from within the room she had just opened, reaches out to feel for his Force signature. Hearing and sensing nothing, she slips in soundlessly, into Ben’s own private living quarters.

After closing the door behind her, she turns on the lights and quickly scans the room to take in the arrangements of her bondmate. They were impressive, she had to admit. Every surface was impeccably clean, his large bed made up neatly with black silk sheets, a calligraphy set and parchment paper carefully arranged on a marble-topped desk. Windows surrounded the bed, even one positioned directly over the mattress so that the stars could be gazed upon before falling asleep. 

Crossing over a rug made of some sort of thick, plush fur, Rey opens a door and finds a fresher and closet. Matte black tiles surround the shower and Rey looks up to notice that the water must pour out of the ceiling, like a waterfall would. She turns slightly to her right, inspecting the contents of the closet now. Naturally, it is filled with primarily black garments, and Rey runs her hand along one of his thick capes. Unable to stop herself, she leans in tentatively and breathes deeply, yearning for his scent.

Rey does feel a touch guilty, creeping around Ben’s personal domain, especially after how much stronger their bond has grown in the past few months. They reach out to each other almost daily now, and often for no reason at all. Simply to see each other, to exchange a few words, to accept the comfort of the other’s presence. Sometimes though, late at night, things would go further. Thoughts and feelings were allowed to slip. Rey tingles at the memory of his soft lips and hot breath on her neck last week, his fingers tangling harshly in her hair as he forced his dirty thoughts into her mind. But that was as far as they had ever gone since both were too shy to push the envelope any further, and one of them would inevitably sever the connection before their embarrassment got the best of them.

Shaking her head to rid herself of a blush, Rey leaves the fresher and notices another door on the opposite end of the room, and her gut churns as she realizes that what she’s come for is likely on the other side. Her fists clench and she chews on her bottom lip. Maybe she could just return to the Resistance and claim that she found nothing. Maybe she wouldn’t have to jeopardize the fragile connection that she has been slowly nurturing with Ben. It had quickly blossomed into her most precious possession.

But they needed the dagger, the horribly beautiful and deadly Sith artifact. Rey had had a dream about it, had felt its importance calling to her across the ether. Her gut told her that Ben would readily help her in whatever she was seeking, but the Resistance would never feel likewise. They never knew about the Force users teaming up to take down Snoke, were still woefully unaware of the bond that they shared and cherished. The bond that haunted and comforted her wherever she went. 

Rey takes a deep breath and with steps of finality, pushes into the next room before stumbling to a halt. This room is also well-kept and sparse, but the walls have long recesses upon which rest a myriad of objects ranging in age and ornateness. In the center of the room stands what could only be called a shrine, the charred and molten helmet of Ben’s grandfather gracing its pinnacle. Rey gapes at each artifact as she walks by each one slowly, marveling at their beauty and the power she feels emanating from them. It isn’t long before her feet guide her to what she came for: the golden dagger. Its darkness is especially deep, and Rey hesitates to grab it, fearful of its terrible potential.

The thought crosses her mind again to just say that she failed in her mission, that they’d have to search somewhere else in the galaxy, and then talk to Ben later about her suspicions and ask for his assistance. Instead, she steels her nerves and her hand darts out to grasp the weapon firmly, regretting her action immediately. She turns quickly on her heel to flee from the room, to escape the feeling that she’s betraying her bondmate.

She practically smacks right into Ben’s chest, his brooding frame blocking her exit. Her immense shame at sneaking around must have prevented her from sensing him. Seeing him now, in his full dark knight regalia, makes her nerves come undone. 

“How did I know that the scavenger would also be a thief?” a cold, mechanical voice accuses harshly, and Rey’s heart sinks at the hurt she hears behind the words.

“Ben, I --,” she starts feebly, trying desperately to think of a way to reason her way out of this, wishing fervently that she had never come.

“Are you really here?” the hulking man in black cuts her off, igniting his spitting red saber and swiftly bringing his blade up to hover mere centimeters from her neck. Rey can sense the shock and feeling of betrayal rolling off of him as he observes the beads of sweat forming on her throat, hears her whimper in pain and fear.

“You are,” his voice modulator barely audible over the hum of his blade as he moves it away from her neck, but Rey can still hear the incredulousness behind it, feels the blooming anger as his mask shifts down to look at the dagger in her hand. 

“I’m just….borrowing it,” Rey says weakly, her knees trembling as she backs away from him into the center of the room.

“Like hell you are,” he growls as he lunges at her, his lightsaber stabbing straight out but Rey manages to dodge his blade as she ignites her own. They take turns parrying each other’s blows, neither of them really trying to land a killing hit on the other. But Ben is getting progressively more frustrated and infuriated; Rey can feel it behind his strikes as they get harder and sloppier. With a howl of indignation, Ben swings his saber like a bat, forcing Rey’s own weapon along the same trajectory, and both blades slice through the shrine in the middle of the room, the pillar and Darth Vader’s helmet exploding with the impact.

The blow seems to have a physical effect on the Master of the Knights of Ren, for his hand flies up to his helmet seemingly in pain as he falls to his knees, his body hunching over on the floor. Rey stands there in horror as she feels the anguish and sorrow pouring out of the man before her. He was practically drowning in it, and she didn’t have a clue how to save him.

“I’m so sorry, Ben,” she whispers, her bottom lip quivering with genuine remorse. She turns off her lightsaber, lets the dagger drop to the floor with a light clang. He says nothing in response, his shoulders heaving up and down being the only movement, but soon Rey feels something building from deep within him. Something dark and dangerous. He powers down his own weapon and all is quiet for a few long seconds.

“That’s my old name,” his voice finally comes out like hard ice before he slowly raises his masked face to look at her. Rey gulps at the sudden shift in his emotions, edges back involuntarily.

“I’m sorry,” she amends quietly, but she can’t bring herself to call him by his chosen name. The air is so filled with tension between them that Rey is afraid to even blink. Suddenly, Ben breaks the stillness as he pushes up from the floor, storms over to her so menacingly that Rey can’t help but falter and stumble backwards until she finds herself cornered against the wall. He stares down at her averted eyes through the slits of his mask, his chest heaving as he studies her frightened features. 

“Prove it,” his challenge is low and something stirs a warm panic in Rey’s gut as her eyes flicker up to his shielded face. She attempts to reach out through the Force to gauge his intent, his expectation, but he bats her away mentally. 

“Prove it,” he repeats more forcefully this time, stepping even further into her space, and Rey gulps as she begins to understand. Slowly, carefully, on shaky legs, she sinks to her knees before him, her eyes never leaving the silver lines of his mask. His cock is raging by the time she is in her position of submission, straining to tear through the fabric of his pants as she looks up at him in supplication. Only a heartbeat of surprise at her compliance passes before he eagerly releases his cock from its suffocating prison. He secretly gloats at the sound of her quick intake of breath, the sight of her eyes going slightly round as she sees him for the first time.

Rey gulps hard as she stares at the quivering dick that was starting to tear up in anticipation before her. She sticks her tongue out, tentatively licks at its tip, and looks up when Ben groans above her. His head has dropped onto his chest and she’s not sure if he’s looking at her or if his eyes are closed behind that mask. Rey flattens her tongue out, drags it from the base of his cock to the head, feeling the bulging vein that runs along the bottom of it. This time, she can hear Ben hiss and watches his head fall back as his body begins to slightly sway, his hips instinctively jutting forward to allow her better access.

She repeats the motion a few more times and out of the corner of her eye, she can see his fists balling up, she can feel how tense his thighs have become. Feeling emboldened by his responses to her ministrations, she experiments further by suddenly taking the head of his cock into her mouth. Ben gasps and bucks forward erratically, his hands flying out to support himself on the wall behind her. His reaction excites Rey, encourages her to take him deeper, and soon the black knight towering above her is jerking himself rhythmically into her mouth, his breathing metallic and strained. 

“Take it, little Jedi,” he hisses as reaches down with one hand to cup the back of her head before he starts fucking her face in earnest, his balls slapping against her chin. 

He’s riding high above her now, in full control, and he can think of nothing but the delirious pleasure of possessing her, of the sweet power of bending the light to his dark will. The muffled gurgling noises coming from her tight, little throat finally push him over the edge and he grunts as he pours his hot, sticky spend into her. Rey swallows in slight surprise, the contraction pleasurably squeezing the tip of his dick as she drinks him down fully. Panting heavily, the top of his helm pressing harshly against his forearm on the wall, he continues to hold her head firmly in place with his other hand as the aftershocks of his orgasm ripple through his body, her lips gently milking every last foamy drop into her moaning mouth. 

It wasn’t how he had expected their first intimate tryst to go, but he also had never expected her to try to steal from him. He had even foolishly begun to trust her, the only person he ever had in many years, and he blinks back a burning tear from the painful act of her deception. A few steadying breaths help to cleanse himself of his weakness as he mentally visualizes the Light bowing before the Dark, reassuring himself that she’s served her purpose for now and that she deserved to be on her knees begging his forgiveness. Abruptly, Ben yanks her off of him gruffly and whirls around, tucking his spent cock back inside his pants as he strides confidently out of the room. He seals the door behind him and locks her in his quarters, leaving Rey in a haze of musky confusion.


	2. Chapter 2

A ripple of unease rushes through him as soon as he shuts the door on the warmth of her light. He wishes fervently that he had taken the opportunity to properly touch her, to warm his cool fingertips along the soft curves of her hot flesh. Their daily bonds had been a source of great comfort for him, their occasional nights of restrained passion serving to stoke his ability to trust and love once again. When he first saw her in his quarters this time, his heart had leapt in happiness and anticipation, but his blood had immediately run cold when he saw the dagger in her hand, felt the shrouded deceitfulness of her Force signature, and knew that she had had no intentions of bumping into him.

He had kept his mask on not so that he could intimidate her, but to hide his heartbreak from her. Over the past few months, Ben had cautiously allowed Rey to see him angry, lonely, calm, happy even, thanks to their bond. But she had never seen him broken. No, he could never let her see the true power her affections held over him, could never display the depth of his weakness and desperation for her. So he hid behind his dark disguise, nurtured the sense of betrayal until it grew into a rage, allowed himself to become blinded and numb by his need to gain control over the situation.

Ben swallows hard at the memory of the primal way he had just dominated her, and regret pangs in his heart as his footsteps pound heavily down the hallway. He had always intended to be slow and gentle with her, if things had ever progressed that far, to prove to her with his body just how deeply her soul had nestled itself into his heart. As he approaches a turn in the corridor, he fears that now he’ll never get the chance to show her what she means to him, how she’s changed him since she came crashing through a forest and into his life, and a muttered curse escapes his lips.

Walking for what seems like hours, Ben loses himself and his way around the ship as he relentlessly chastises his actions. He yearns to return to his chambers, to fall on his knees and apologize to Rey and make love to her until she believes him. Instead, he trudges on despondently and aimlessly, sinking further and further into his somber mood. Would she ever have him again, he wonders. Would she ever reach for his hand, caress his face, grace his lips with the presence of hers?

His tread slows as the hair rises on the back of his neck, and gradually he comes to a stop in the middle of the hallway, reaching out with his muddled senses to brush against a disturbance. Something is terribly wrong. The Force is moving around him in ripples of darkness, warning of a treachery and deceit far greater than Rey’s had been. Ben closes his eyes and calls on the last of his emotional willpower, steadying his breath and quieting his mind so that he can focus his energy on seeking out the origin of the threat. 

Eyes snapping open, a shudder runs through him once he figures out the intent and the source of the warning. It’s coming from his own men, an objective to overthrow and murder him if necessary. His leather clad fingers clench tightly and he draws his mouth into a firm line. If he was being honest with himself, he was actually surprised that it took General Hux this long to formulate a solid coup attempt. However, Ben was downright shocked at how dark the plan feels, how confidence oozes out of those intent on executing their orders.

Feeling shaken, Ben pivots and walks quickly back towards his chambers, towards his source of warmth and light and strength. He needs her desperately at this moment, and he hopes to find her open to him, to provide him with the reassurance and confidence that he requires in order to face this foreboding threat to his reign as Supreme Leader. 

_But do I even still want to rule?_ He wonders as his footsteps slow to a halt. Perhaps not, he concedes, but he also doesn’t want to die. Not now that he has found something to live for. He resumes his pace, practically running down the hallway toward his beacon of light, his fountain of hope.

The door to his chambers opens with a hiss and the man bursts in like a wild storm, his shoulders heaving and head slightly bowed. Rey regards him warily, trying to better decipher his mood through his mask and the strong turmoil of his Force signature, before she draws his cloak closer under her chin and hugs her knees more tightly to her chest. His room was absolutely freezing for the desert native and she had been forced to raid his closet in order to fight back the chill that was burying itself in her bones. 

Ben slowly lifts his head to look at Rey curled into a little ball, perched on the bench at the foot of his bed. His heart and troubles melt away just a bit when he sees how small and vulnerable she looks drowning in his dark fabric, looking up at him with slight trepidation in her eyes, her mouth set in a small frown. The thought of her plush lips makes his cock twitch without his permission and he shifts in what he hopes appears to be a natural movement as he tries to conceal his growing desire. But he doesn’t want to hide from her anymore.

Reaching up to his mask, Ben removes his helmet with a sigh as his ebony locks fall haphazardly around his paler than usual face. His eyes are more than reluctant to meet hers and they are sunken and strained to a depth that Rey has never seen before, her brow furrowing in concern as she takes him in. The man that she’s grown to respect and to care for deeply is clearly battling some inner demons, and she senses that it’s not just due to their last encounter. No, his troubles seem to be raging chaotically, his concerns and doubts threatening to pull him under. 

Instinctively, Rey reaches out to him and in utter relief, Ben crosses the room wordlessly and swiftly, discarding his helmet and gloves on the floor before dropping to a kneel at her feet. He keeps his head bowed as she cards her fingers through his hair, quietly exalting at the warmth and gentleness of her touch, breathing in her scent deeply and sinking into himself, into her adorations. He needs all of her in his life desperately, can no longer stand the thought of them being separated physically, even with the connection of their bond. In a flash of terror and relief, he finally acknowledges to himself that he can’t imagine his life without her in it, doesn’t even want to consider the possibility of being away from her ever again. Let the title of Supreme Leader be damned.

He lifts his face to meet her gaze, his eyes brimming with emotion as they seek out her own. Tenderness and concern look back at him, and Rey traces the pale line of the scar down his face. Sinking into her caress, Ben closes his eyes before he captures her hand between his fingers and twists slightly to place a gentle kiss on the inside of her wrist. He looks back up at her, silently begging permission to taste her lips, and Rey tentatively obliges by dipping her head to meet his eager mouth. 

His hands are on her, all over her body, in a frenzy of firm caresses the moment she drops her guard and lets him in. His kiss is impassioned and desperate, as if he is trying to devour her very soul in order to keep himself alive, and Rey breaks the kiss to gasp for air and gain traction against his broad shoulders as he pushes his way into her embrace. The cloak slips off of her shoulders and the bareness of her arms is immediately covered in gooseflesh, but Ben envelops them with an arm of his own, the other sliding lower behind her back and pulling Rey down onto him, forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist to keep from falling off the bench. He feels no embarrassment at his hardness pushing against her core, can’t sense her feelings of unease at his rapid pace.

“I want you,” Ben murmurs, his breath hot and hitched against her neck. Rey shifts uncomfortably in his arms and tries to put a little bit of space between their bodies, but to no avail. Ben only draws her tighter into him as he moves to stand up and guide them to his bed, his fingertips beginning to dig painfully into her sides as his anticipation builds into a blinding desperation. Rey winces under his touch.

“I _need_ you,” Ben emphasizes, his voice thick with passion as he falls with her onto the soft mattress. Rey attempts to use the brief shift in position to her advantage and squeezes her legs against his thighs in an effort to drive herself further up the bed and free of his clutches, but Ben moves just as quickly to cage her in with his massive arms, his elbows locked above her shoulders as his fingers tangle harshly in her hair.

“Ben, please –” Rey whimpers beneath him, but he cuts her off with a hard kiss, oblivious to her lack of reciprocation. He palms her breast roughly through her tunic as he holds her tongue captive, feels her trembling beneath him, but he assumes it’s due to adrenaline just as he’s being spurred on by his own. His hand travels further down her torso until it finds the hem of her pants and his fingers make quick work of the drawstring. Groaning into her mouth, he seeks out her core and is pleased to find her warmth, but somewhat surprised to feel how dry she is. He drags a finger through her slit and teases her clit, and Rey lets out a stifled sob, making Ben fear that he’s hurting her. Finally breaking their kiss, Ben quickly removes the hand that’s been fondling her so that he can suck on a couple of his fingers to give her more moisture.

“No…” Rey moans quietly as soon as Ben’s fingers are back on her, and Ben stills his movements for a heartbeat, unsure that he heard her right. His breath is hot against the side of her neck and he can see her shivering beneath him. Slowly, he begins to circle her clit, listens to her mewl and whimper and writhe against him.

“No?” his question almost borders on a taunt at her reaction, and he’s forced to use his free hand to hold her down since she has begun thrashing so much. He licks up her neck and grinds his cock against her thigh as his fingers pick up their pace pleasuring her little nub. Just as he sucks in her earlobe to nibble at it, he slowly slips his long digit inside of her, inch by inch, relishing at just how incredibly tight she is. He growls at the prospect of his big dick soon pounding into her tiny pussy, and he pushes his finger deeper inside of her, seeking her pleasurable depth.

“Please don’t do this, Kylo,” she whispers, her voice pitiful yet resigned. Ben freezes at the words that reach his ears just as his fingers begin to press against her final layer of defense. Neither of them move a muscle for a few seconds, Ben’s face still buried into the crook of her neck and shoulder, Rey’s body stiff, his hand buried to the knuckles inside of her. It isn’t until Ben feels and tastes her tears trickling past his lips that he pulls away in shock, blinking down at her in confusion.

He still has her arms pinned above her head and below them, her eyes are scrunched up tight, teardrops rolling down her cheeks. She’s pressed her lips firmly together to keep them from quivering out of control, her breaths coming out shallow and unevenly. Suddenly, in a sober flash of clarity, Ben understands. Understands that he’s been completely misinterpreting the situation and her reactions to him, and he feels a nauseating wave of horror wash over him. 

“Oh gods, Rey,” he breathes out in quiet panic, releasing her trapped arms and removing his fingers from her center. As soon as his hands leave her body, Rey breaks down, her entire form wracked with tremors and her throat finally releasing her pent up anguish. Ben scoops her up into his arms, trying desperately to gather the broken pieces of her heart and soul that he loves against his chest as he simultaneously hates every fiber of his own being. 

“Rey, I’m so sorry,” Ben whispers fervently against her hair, his own voice cracking with emotion as he futilely rubs her back, peppering further apologies and kisses against the side of her head. Rey sobs harder and clutches at his tunic, burying her face in the fabric as if she’s trying to hide from both of them at this moment. Curling his body around hers, he tries to block out the world for her, to protect her from further harm. But he had never expected it to be him that broke her.

Several long moments pass and slowly, Rey’s sobs begin to ebb and her body becomes heavy in his arms as her muscles finally start to relax. Ben continues to rub her back gently, his lips pressing against her head so softly that he’s not even sure she can tell, but her body refuses to respond to his. 

“I want to be alone,” she whispers into his chest, causing his heart to break even further, but he nods his understanding. Of course she wants to be away from him, from his monstrous actions and blind desire. How can she possibly feel safe in his arms anymore?

“Just for a little while,” Rey clarifies, as if she had just heard his thoughts, felt his self-loathing. Ben swallows hard and begins to disentangle their embrace, the loss of her warmth immediately cutting a wound deep into his soul. He can’t suppress the shudder that travels through him as he shifts to stand next to the bed, pausing awkwardly for a moment between the sweet softness of her and the bitter hardness of his surroundings. Ignoring his discarded gloves and helmet on the floor, Ben crosses the room with heavy footsteps.

“Rey?” He calls out quietly over his shoulder, his hand hovering at the door console. He can hear her shift on the mattress, feel her attention directed towards him.

_I love you,_. Ben thinks as he opens the door, the sound suddenly jarring and foreign.

“You’re free to leave whenever you wish,” he says softly instead, and he steps out into the cloud of darkness waiting for him, resolutely resigned to his fate.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get this written, but it ended up being SO MUCH LONGER than I had anticipated! Hope you all enjoy :-)

Rey seeks out the comfort of his cape as soon as the door closes, drawing it about her as she rolls over to where he had just been on the mattress. The weighty fabric rests upon her cheek and she snuggles deeper into his soft bed, allowing herself to be enveloped by his warmth and scent. A feeling of calm finally begins to work its way back into her soul as she breathes in the ghost of his essence surrounding her, its coolness soothing the tumultuous heat of her heart.

_What had just happened?_

His passion moving too fast, their words left unspoken, her questions cut off. Uncertainty, fear, and excitement had consumed them and blocked their ability to read each other, to feel each other on a deeper level. Rey had felt as if she were drowning beneath him, grappling desperately for an understanding that she couldn’t even name as his waves of urgency crashed over her senses, flooding her body and her mind and her ability to breathe or speak or even form a coherent thought. 

Just as she hit bottom, she had thrown out her last cry of hope, her final effort to scream for him through the thickness of the murky waters that flowed between them. Desperate to reach him, she had called him by the name he had chosen for himself years before; a name that she knew he now hated to hear fall from her lips. Her last ditch attempt had worked.

The salty water had turned its tide against him then, seeking to become heavy in his lungs and strangle the light from the corners of his vision. He gulped it down, terror urging him up for air, as he dragged her limp body back to the surface of their passion. Cradled in his arms, rocking gently atop the soft swells of his bed with the hushed whispers of sorrow and regret against the shell of her body, Rey had allowed him to weather her storm of emotions, had craved the anchoring assurance of his presence until she felt utterly spent and listless.

And then she had shoved him out. Even though she had gently asked him to leave, she might as well have taken a knife to his heart. It may have been the more merciful thing to do. Yet her spirit was just as torn. She thought she had needed space to think, time to breathe, but as soon as he slipped her out of his arms to leave her adrift in the sea of his sheets, she floundered in his absence. His large back to her, she had watched her steady rock recede into darkness, felt the panic rise as his figure teetered at the edge of her horizon.

_I love you._

Rey had heard the words as clearly through their bond as if Ben had sobbed them into the crook of her neck. The words that carried the sentiment that she needed to hear before she was finally willing to give herself to him fully, to tear down the final wall around her heart that she had built tall and strong when she was but a child. Rey had forged herself into a force to be reckoned with over the years, a warrior created out of the necessity of protecting herself from those who wished her harm or to snatch away what little innocence she had left. 

And gods, how she wanted him then. How desperately she needed him. She had just needed to know his true feelings for her more than how his body felt within hers. And now she finally knew that he truly did love her, right as he walked out of the door, a shattered man once again. Her heart screamed to go after him, her gut lurched as the door slammed shut, but instead Rey just buried her face in his cloak and cried herself into a fitful sleep.

*****

His footsteps are heavy, dragging behind him as if he is walking through thick mud, and his heart is as low as the muck that seemingly sucks at his feet. The corridor stretches on dark and long and echoes back the endless hammering of his heart, its steel severity taunting the queasiness of his stomach. The scent of her carries to him from his hand and he mutters a curse, chastising himself for leaving his gloves behind in his rush to escape his monstrosity.

_What have I done?_

He had let his emotions get the best of him again, allowed them to consume his ability to perceive anything beyond his need to feel whole, to feel valued and accepted for who he was. Over the past several months, Rey had become his source of strength, his confidante, his friend, his love. The thought of her consumed his days, and dreams of her floated through his nights. As the hours, the moments, passed, his desire to be with her grew to such a level as to override all other wants. He needed her presence as much as he needed the air to breathe. In short, he had fallen deeply, madly in love with her.

Ben turns abruptly on a sharp heel to enter the training room, hopeful that some exercises will clear his mind for at least a short while. As he passes through the threshold, he reaches towards his hip to unclip his lightsaber, only to find dead air. Of course he had left it in his quarters. His mouth screws up in annoyance but then quickly falls from fear. A strong wave of darkness crashes into him and his entire form braces against the impact, his lungs taking in huge gulps of air before being sucked under. From the shadows of the large room, his Knights emerge one by one, their masks a menacing façade to disguise their features, but doing nothing to conceal their intent through the Force.

“It’s come to our attention, _Master,_” the largest of the group spits out, stepping closer to Ben as he casually swings a large mace, “that you’ve become distracted in our mission.”

Ben’s hands clench into fists at his side, his breathing becomes quick and shallow as he scans the group converging down on him. All of them are armed, and all of them have the same idea in mind.

“General Hux informed us of your…_compassion_ for a certain girl,” another Knight speaks up, ostensibly inspecting the blade of his massive battle axe. “Even showed us an enlightening recording taken months ago in old Snoke’s throne room.”

Ben’s face pales. They know. They know everything. He thought he had destroyed the last of the holovids from that fateful day, but Hux was cunning and shrewd, and Ben bites his inner cheek until he tastes blood, silently cursing his habit of underestimating the general. 

“But we like you, Ren, we do. So we’re going to give you a chance to prove yourself,” the first Knight speaks back up, his tone insincere. “Kill the filthy scavenging scum on your own, or bring her to us to handle.”

Bile begins to creep up Ben’s throat and his mind flies through ways to get her out of danger. To hell with himself, he thinks. He had already made the decision that he wasn’t worthy to live if she weren’t at his side, but _her_ death wasn’t an option. His feet shift into a defensive stance, his heels firmly planted and ready to spring into action.

“I don’t know where she is,” Ben snarls through gritted teeth, his fingers beginning to tingle with the electricity of the Force flowing through him. He may be weaponless, but he can buy her time to escape. 

“No? Then why can we feel her here, onboard, right now?” One of the smaller knights speaks up, the mocking tone of his voice still managing to come through the modulator of his mask. 

“And I, for one, intend to…_feel_ her, a lot more before we kill her,” the one with an axe joins darkly, his companions chuckling in vile agreement.

Sparks of blue lightning shoot from the fingertips of Ben’s left hand and surge into the knight that had just threatened Rey’s honor, suspending him in writhing agony midair. With his right hand, he freezes another advancing opponent, crushing his larynx and the life out of him. Beads of perspiration form on his temples and his arms shake from the effort of holding his knights back as he screams a silent warning through their bond.

_Rey, RUN!_

She does. Straight to him.

A blinding rage propels her down the hall, the hilt of Ben’s lightsaber clanging against her hip. Her own weapon is clutched and activated in her hand, its beam glowing white hot and angry. Rey had felt the deadly threat just before Ben’s command had practically shaken her out of the bed. It was clear that he had meant for her to escape; but no, she wouldn’t leave him again. Never. They were in this together, to the end.

With a roar, she crashed into the training room and flung her saber parallel to the ground, guiding it towards a knight whose weapon was on a fatal course with Ben’s head. Her blade slices the threat clean in half, and his comrades falter in their assault, rooted to their spots in shock as the fallen knight crumples to the floor in two pieces. Rey leaps over the body that Ben had just choked, catching the hilt of her lightsaber on its return and landing in a crouch at Ben’s side, her teeth bared at the four remaining masked men.

“Neat trick,” Ben quips approvingly, looking at her with awe written all over her face.

“It’s a lot easier when you remember your lightsaber,” she half-heartedly growls back, tossing his weapon to him. “Shall we?”

“We shall,” he responds as they turn back to back to face off against the knights, a smug smile gracing his features as he levels his gaze on their masks. Together, they were invincible. He knew it. The knights sensed it. It was just a matter of time now.

After a couple of beats of hesitation to regroup, the largest knight with the mace begins to swing his weapon in large, heavy circles, advancing slowly towards the pair. Another figure in black with an energized steel sword moves at them from the opposite direction, effectively sandwiching the duo. Reading both of their intentions and passing the information to each other through the bond, they wait for the attacks, mentally prepping for the fluid move they’ll need to execute.

All at once, the massive knight yells and hurls the spiked orbs at Ben’s head as his counterpart levels his sword and charges at Rey. Ben swoops low into a crouch just as Rey drops to spin over his back. She drives her lightsaber through the giant’s exposed middle and wrenches it up through his torso, his battle cry snuffed short, as Ben captures his opponent with Force lightning, swiftly lifting him through the air before slamming his body back down to the floor with a sickening crunch of bones.

The pair recovers their stances, resets for the next attack. Syncing their breaths, they firmly grasp the tether of their connection, feel the reassurance of the bond vibrate through them. The remaining two knights shift uncertainly across from them, their fear pulsating off of the walls of the room. In perfect unison, Ben and Rey pivot their legs wide, moving their blades into an offensive position over their heads, their eyes burning fire and challenge. 

With a howl, Rey lunges at the nearest opponent, her saber first swinging up before arcing back down in a wide sweep. The knight manages to parry, but only just, the force of her attack and his uncertainty knocking him off balance. Having followed in lock step behind her, Ben connects his boot in the center of the man’s chest, sending him to the ground with a thud, his own blood red blade following the knight’s form a split second later, skewering him to the floor.

Only one left. The man left standing is the one wielding a battle axe, the one that threatened to violate Rey. The hackles along Ben’s neck raise and he seethes between his teeth. This kill will be personal. Sensing, and in a flash, understanding, the reason for the intense ire oozing out of Ben, Rey powers down her weapon and backs out of the match, allowing her partner to fight this battle on his own.

The knight doesn’t stand a chance against Ben’s wrath, the blows raining down like fury until the blade of the saber demolishes the axe, slices the thick steel to bits. In a move that surprises the last standing knight, Ben casts aside his saber to clatter across the floor to Rey’s feet, before lunging to tackle the man to the hard ground. In an instant, Ben pins the disgusting man to the ground and rips the mask off of his former comrade, smashing the face that was behind it with his fists until blood splatters up onto his own.

Ben loses touch with his surroundings, with himself, as he continues to wail on the limp body beneath him, his fists sinking further and further into the bloodied mess of a face with each blow. Eventually, he feels a firm hand and a shake on his shoulder, a reassuring voice reaching out to him through his crazed mind. It finally registers with him that they’ve won the fight against the knights, but that he’s been battling something else entirely as he pummeled the pale face of the black robed man beneath him. He was clashing against the memory of one of his own despicable actions.

“It’s just that he…” Ben begins to stammer out, his entire body beginning to shake with residual adrenaline.

“I know,” Rey reassures him gently, and she did know. Ben’s terror at the threat posed to her had been impossible for him to hide.

“It wasn’t right…” he continues, his head shaking violently, his bottom lip beginning to tremble.

“Shh…I know,” Rey comforts him quietly, crouching down now to drape her body soothingly over his back and wrap her arms across the front of his chest. At the touch of her warmth, both from her body and heart, Ben crumples completely.

“I’m so sorry for what I did to you, Rey,” he finally cracks, his voice barely coherent between sobs. Rey holds him tighter, kisses the side of his head, smooths his mussed up hair.

“I know you are, Ben, I know,” she whispers to him fervently, shifting her body so that she can turn his chin to look at her. When he’s finally able to look her in the eye, Ben sees that they are pained, but tender. And most curiously of all, a mischievous glint dances in them. 

“But can you prove it?” Rey asks him, a tiny grin tugging at the corner of her lips.

*****

Safely back in his quarters, Rey guides Ben to the fresher and helps him clean the blood from his body. Their movements are slow, their words few, their gazes lingering. They silently dance around the humming vibrations of their bond, basking quietly in its warm glow. After getting sufficiently free of the reminders of the bloody battle, they move back into Ben’s bedroom, stopping in front of a large floor mirror.

“Not a scratch this time,” Ben nods with satisfaction, his eyes roaming over her body in the reflection. He reaches for the brown leather straps of her armband, his hand gentle as he removes it to reveal her own scar, letting the band fall to the floor. His fingertips graze the pale, puckered flesh lightly before drifting down the length of her arm to seek out her hand, enclose it in his own with an entwining of their fingers. Rey trembles lightly under his touch, a tremor of anticipation that passes from her into him. Lifting her eyes to scan his face shyly, she reaches up to trace the sharp, yet faded, reminder of their opposing sides long ago.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers to him, and Ben furrows his brow as he shakes his head, capturing her palm against his face with his free hand, sinking into its warmth.

“Don’t be,” he answers, his voice deep and honest, emphatic. Bringing both of their clasped hands to his lips, he kisses her knuckles lightly and Rey admires the way his ebony locks feather his closed eyelids. “I deserved it.”

“You did,” she concedes quietly with a small smile as she begins to untangle her fingers from his. Ben’s eyes open and Rey can’t help but register the prick of panic, the fear of loss she sees in them.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she quickly assures him, and his features relax momentarily, only to reconfigure themselves into a flush of embarrassment and excitement when he sees her hands move to unfasten the belt around her tunic. Rey lets it drop to the ground alongside her armband before her fingers slowly begin to unwrap the cloth of the tunic hugging her torso, exposing her bra underneath. After a second of hesitation, she reaches behind her back to undo the clasp, the soft fabric falling to the ground accompanied by a deep intake of breath from Ben at the sight of her breasts now freed just for him.

“Gods, you’re so beautiful,” he breathes in flustered awe. Standing half nude before him, Ben swallows hard at how intimidated he suddenly feels. The woman in front of him is utterly perfect. Her shoulders are strong and tanned, supporting an elegant neck, and her chestnut hair falls in mussy waves over the front of her chest. Round and pert, her small breasts with their pink nipples snatch away his breath with their simple beauty, and beneath them is her toned and taut abdomen just begging to be caressed, kissed. The world feels like it’s spinning beneath him, and Ben has to close his eyes momentarily to steady himself, his hands clenching and unclenching sporadically at his sides. How badly he yearns to touch her, to feel her warm flesh against his own.

Suddenly, he feels her hands on him and his eyes fly open to watch her make careful work of disrobing him. Her own lashes flutter shyly when she pushes back his tunic and he shrugs it off for her. The marble cut expanse of his chest still enthralls Rey and she moves to rest her palms against its firm planes, the warmth from her fingers causing Ben’s chest to expand further into her touch. Shuffling her feet slightly to bring their torsos to touching, Rey sighs as she rests her cheek just below his collarbone and Ben doesn’t hesitate to wrap his strong arms around her, thankful and proud to be the one to protect her.

“I love you, Rey,” he murmurs into her soft hair, breathing her in, losing himself in her. Her shoulders shake slightly in his embrace and Ben shifts his hands to cup the sides of her face, tilting her neck back gently so that he can gaze down properly at her. His fingers tangled in her hair, he uses his thumbs to wipe away the tears staining her cheeks in response to his declaration, watches her jaw tremble as she struggles to form the words she’s spoken to no one in her life.

“It’s ok,” Ben reassures her in a hushed whisper, dipping down to press his full lips against her forehead. “You don’t have to say it until you’re ready.”

Rey nods and bites her bottom lip to stop it from quivering, lowers her tear soaked eyelashes to admire his supple mouth. Pushing up on her tiptoes, she seeks him out timidly at first, her fingertips curling into his chest and her warm breath tickling his jawline. Ben obliges her immediately, lowering his face to meet hers, and they stand there for what seems an eternity, head to head, flesh against flesh, simply gazing into the depths of each other’s souls. How so very far they’ve come to end up committing themselves to each other as fully as this.

“I love you, too,” Rey says quietly, yet with clear confidence. A shaky rush of air escapes Ben, a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding for the past several seconds, moments, years. He pulls his head back just slightly from hers, his eyes brimming with the sting of passion and disbelief.

“Say it again,” he urges her in quiet wonderment, his gaze flickering over every inch of her face. 

“I love you, Ben Solo,” she repeats more assuredly this time, her face bright beneath the glistening of her drying tears as she smiles up at him. For the first time since meeting over a year ago, Ben gives Rey a genuine grin for just a heartbeat before swooping down to capture her lips with his, to taste her proclaimed love for him on his tongue.

“Oh, Rey,” he gasps each time he comes up for air. “Rey, my angel…”

She kisses him more urgently now, the hardened peaks of her nipples pressing against his rapidly flushing chest. His own need pushes on her lower belly and he groans as she begins to move against it. Unable to maintain his composure if they stay embraced like this, Ben quickly snakes an arm under her rear and hoists her up onto him, her legs instinctively wrapping around his middle, her lips never breaking their kiss. He moves them to his bed, depositing her on his mattress as gently as if her body were as breakable as their hearts. 

Safely resting on top of his sheets now near the side of the mattress, Rey looks up at Ben who is still standing at the edge of his bed, his eyes sweeping down the full length of her body before returning to her middle, his gaze lingering on the waistband of her pants. Slowly, his eyes find hers again, a question, a plea, burning in them. Rey gulps and grants her consent with a single nod. Rather than rushing to strip her of her last bit of clothing, Ben moves haltingly, rapturously, his fingers pulling the fabric of her garment with gentle care over the curves of her hips and rear.

His work complete, Rey lays completely bare before him now, and Ben sinks to his knees next to the bed, awestruck by her soft curves and supple flesh, the dark curls at the apex of her thighs. His fingers itch to explore every inch of her, to caress, to soothe, to pleasure. His mind can hardly form a coherent thought, so consumed is he by the need to feel her.

“May I touch you?” Ben finally asks, his breath hitched and strained. Rey gives a small murmur of approval and his hands don’t hesitate to begin to lay claim to her body. They start at her neck, his fingertips tracing lightly down her throat and through the groove of her collarbone on their way down to the swell of her bosom. He palms her left breast, cupping it and resting it there until he finds the hard beating of her heart beneath his hand, her chest beginning to rise more rapidly.

Keeping his hand in place, he experiments with his ability to affect her heartbeat, first leaning over to lick and suckle at her tit, his hair tickling the side of her breast. Her heart begins to pound more noticeably now and Ben allows himself a small smile of satisfaction when he nips her pink teat between his teeth and hears her gives a surprised yelp. Splaying his free hand over her abdomen, he moves it down at a tortuously slow pace to one of her thighs that has lifted off the mattress, pushing it back down into submission before his fingers work their way up to the folds between her legs.

She parts her thighs for him and Ben’s brain stutters at how wet she is, his fingers slipping between her slick lips that are burning for him. He pops off her breast to look at her in reverence, his own lips slightly parted at the feeling of hers dripping on his fingertips. Her chest and face are flushed, her mouth a darker shade of red and a hazy mist floating behind her eyes. Slowly, he begins to circle the pad of his finger around her clit and Rey gasps his name into the space around them, her back arching under his touch.

“Do you like that, sweetheart?” Ben asks her huskily, his eyes roaming hungrily over her writhing body. The pulse under his hand is pounding erratically now and he squeezes her nipple, rolling it between the pads of his fingers as his other hand continues to pleasure her center.

“Yes, Ben,” she whimpers in response, her hands tangling in the sheets, her panting getting heavier when he begins to push a long finger into her body. Her juices coat his hand as he plays her like an instrument, two of his fingers thrusting into her core, his thumb circling her clit, the other hand palming and pinching her breasts. He sits back on his heels and watches himself work her body into a frenzied crescendo, hears her mewls and name reach his ears like the most beautiful music he’s ever heard.

“I want to taste you,” he begs, his voice shaky and desperate. _“Please.”_

Rey’s eyes focus just long enough to find his, blinking rapidly to momentarily clear them of the haze of lust. She chews the inside of her cheek, considering his request for just a beat before nodding slightly and making a movement to shift her hips closer to the edge of the bed. Ben licks his lips in eager anticipation as he removes his fingers from her core, gripping her hips and pulling her the rest of the way to the edge of the mattress, lifting her legs up to rest on his broad shoulders. Still kneeling on the ground before her, he takes a few seconds to stare at her pink and pulsing pussy, watches her fluids drip slowly between her folds.

“So beautiful,” he purrs right before he dives into her, burying his face between her legs to lap up her juices. He plunges his tongue rhythmically into her core, rolls his head back and forth so that his nose will rub against her nub. Her thighs are squeezed tightly against his ears, but he can still hear her moaning above him, calling out his name over and over.

“Gods, you taste so good,” he pants before licking up her slit to circle her clit with his tongue. She bucks in response to his shift in position, her hands flying down to tangle in his hair, and she cries out above him. 

“I need you to come in my mouth, Rey,” Ben groans against her, his words garbled between her legs. His fingers return to thrust into her core, pulsing against the spongy spot just within her walls. He sucks and swirls his tongue around her bundle of nerves and Rey pulls his mouth and chin flush with her body, her hips bucking wildly as she fucks his face relentlessly, making Ben dizzy with heady desire.

_Give me all of you. Every last drop._

Losing all abandon at his words, Rey comes for him with a curse and primal scream of his name. Ben drinks down her orgasm like a man dying of thirst, grunting and seething and burrowing his face in her soaking wet cunt. He feels her muscles clench around his head, relishes in the way her pussy glides over his nose and mouth as she rides out the final waves of her release on his face.

She surrenders her grip in his hair with a shuddering gasp, her entire body going lax as her climax drains the last of her energy, arms now strewn haphazardly above her head, legs sliding heavily off of his shoulders. Ben continues to lap at her lips, cleaning her swollen pussy with his tongue and giving her a clit a final kiss before shifting to stand up. His dick is now raging against his pants to be freed, weeping to plunge itself into her sticky heat, and Ben looks down at her spent form, his eyes crazed with need. The glow of her release turns to a blush when Rey sees his intensity, gulps when he yanks down his pants to expose his massive, twitching cock. She scoots further back on the bed, parts her legs wider for him, silently invites this man into her most intimate world. 

His gaze dark with lust, Ben wipes his face clean of her cum and uses the wet hand to mix their fluids over his rock hard member. He pumps himself a few times first, taking a moment to admire the beautiful woman spread open for him, before dropping onto the bed to position himself between her warm and waiting thighs. The slick, fleshy head of his penis pushes against her hot and sticky folds and he quickly pulses just the tip in and out of her, relishing in the lingering contractions of her cunt around the most sensitive part of his dick. His thrusts begin to slow, but with careful effort, he gradually makes his way deeper into her pussy.

_“Kriff,_ you’re so tight,” he mutters appreciatively, sucking in a shuddering breath. With each thrust, he pushes his way further and further into her heaven, until his tip begins to knock against her virgin door. Pausing, he looks down at her through suddenly alert eyes, marveling at her beauty, her crimson lips, the way her hair spreads like a halo around her head on the pillow.

“I need to hear you say that you want this,” he pleads quietly, his eyes darting all over her face. Rey reaches up to trace her fingertips along the side of his face, captures his chin and pulls him in for a lingering kiss, her tongue dancing lightly along the tip of his.

“I want this, Ben,” she whispers back, gazing up at him tenderly, and shifts her legs to wrap more tightly around his waist in preparation. Ben swallows hard and nods down at her, one hand moving to tangle in her hair, the other traveling down to her hip to hold her in place. Locking his eyes with hers, he gives a quick jerk of his hips, puncturing her girlhood and claiming her as his woman.

A sharp cry escapes her lips as Ben’s head drops into the crook of her neck, both of their bodies shaking against and within each other. Murmuring sweet words of adoration, Ben drags his lips over every inch of her throat, his lower body not daring to move as her own adjusts to his size and girth. She grips him tightly to her, her fingertips digging harshly into his shoulder blades. Managing to snake a hand between their bodies, Ben rests his warm palm against her lower abdomen, attempting to dull the pain inside of her. Rey moans gratefully and Ben takes it as permission to begin to move with care.

Moving the hand that had been in her hair down to the curve of her lower back, his other hand still spread just above her pelvis, Ben sits back on his heels and rocks his hips gently into her, marveling that he can feel his hard cock pressing rhythmically at his palm through her little body. Her own hips begin to gyrate around his member and the sensation causes him to squeeze his eyes shut so hard that he sees stars behind them, his breath catching when he opens them again to find her touching herself, moaning and writhing beneath him.

“That’s it, sweetheart,” he encourages breathlessly, stabbing harder and deeper into her tender pussy as her groans turn into cries of pleasure, her fingers circling faster and tighter around her clit. “Come again for me.”

Her back arches, her chest flushes, and she throws her head back and forth on the pillow, but still she teeters just on the edge of climax. Her cunt is wringing his hard dick mercilessly and Ben grits his teeth, trying desperately to rein in his own orgasm. Acting on instinct, he reaches down to roughly tweak a nipple with one hand and wraps the other hand around her throat to squeeze lightly, just enough to feel her life force surging through his fingers. With her own free hand, Rey pinches her other nipple and together, they work her body into a painful ecstasy. 

Ben rides her hard, slamming into her pussy wildly and squeezing her neck tighter as the euphoria of his orgasm intoxicates all of his senses. He’s vaguely aware of her screams mixing with his grunts as he pours himself into her, his hips convulsing erratically as her walls milk the last of his spend. With a final thrust and calling out her name like a prayer, Ben collapses on top of her, his large frame covering her smaller one, the pressure from his weight sending pleasurable contractions through Rey’s clit.

When his cock softens enough to slip out of her soaked and battered pussy, Ben rolls off of her, both of them still heaving in great lungfuls of air. He pulls her into his side, closes his eyes as he inhales the scent of her slightly damp hair. Rey’s eyelashes flutter against his bare chest and he smiles softly at the sensation as she nuzzles deeper into the safety of his arms, her fingertips tracing light circles along his collarbone. His heart is still pounding so hard that she can feel it against her cheek, and she smiles lazily at the thought that all of him is now hers.

“So how was I for my first time?” Ben asks a bit nervously, still slightly out of breath. Rey picks her head up from its resting spot, her brow furrowed as she regards him curiously.

“That was your first time?” she responds incredulously, her accent lilting musically in his ears. _“Really?”_

Ben gulps and nods, his eyes searching her face for an answer. Rey’s eyebrows raise and her lips part in shock.

“Could’ve fooled me,” she finally stammers out, and Ben exhales in satisfied relief.

“Well, I _have_ been fantasizing and researching practically every night for the past year or so,” he chuckles lightly as he stretches his arms above his head. Rey playfully slaps his chest with a giggle before rolling onto her back as well to gaze at the stars through the portal over his bed. They watch the infinite cosmos stretched out before them, Ben’s fingers lazily stroking the puckered scar of their hands reaching for each other across Rey’s arm.

“And to think that could’ve all been mine,” he muses quietly, his eyes dancing absently across the heavens above.

“I’m sorry,” Rey grimaces, concern coursing through her, but never regret.

“I’m not,” Ben replies immediately, his voice firm and decisive. He glances over at her worried face and quirks a smile before gesturing widely at the night sky sprawled over them. “All of that is nothing compared to having you. Without you by my side, Rey, I’m nothing but a lost man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less than one week and then we will all be in tears (hopefully happy Reylo tears...)!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> The second part will be a bit darker and I may have to add some trigger warnings, but I promise the final part will be sweet and make up for it!!


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